martedì 30 giugno 2009
Sex and friendship
Abigail Pereira Aranha
The lack of a commitment to sexual exclusivity between a man and a woman does not exclude other commitments, such as mutual respect and companionship. Here I will not approach casual sex, which can really have the attitude "use and throw away". Only the man-woman friendship with sex.
Marriage is a social and legal link before being a relationship of respect. Proof of this is domestic violence. Until not long ago, marriages were imposed by parents (this still happens in some delayed parts of the world). In this context, or when the spouses chosen one another by the sense of obligation to marry, spouses generally do not have a relationship of friendship or intimacy, they have a relationship of mutual censorship and possessiveness.
For many, seem incompatible friendship and sex. In fact, we learn to link sex to marriage, then is difficult for some to see sex outside of marriage as normal. But the link between sex and marriage is not mandatory. It's just social and religious control rules that tell us it is. So, it's possible a man and a woman to have a sexual relationship with no prospect of marriage and yet to have esteem for each other. I've had some men friends who were ashamed to look at me as a woman, until I touched the boys on the wall. I touched, I kissed by force and I took the tool. And after that, the friendship was better, hehehehe.
Some say that having sex without marriage commitment or without marriage is treating the other as an object of pleasure. Not necessarily. They are frequent violence and selfishness in marital lives. So, marriage is not synonymous with respect. Nor the lack of wedding excludes respect. Oh, and in my adventures with friends, I made one thing that one of them said to a prostitute and she said she would not have courage: make doggystyle on the couch for anal sex with four friends one... after another. The next day, one of them, who was my classmate, insisted to pay for my lunch at recess in the school and I accepted.
The Puritans may talk about sex outside of marriage as a source of disease. By this reasoning, venereal disease has nothing to do with microorganisms, but with a divine judgment of a god who has trouble with sex, as well as natural disasters are the result of divine wrath. More intense sexual life brings greater risk of disease such as more car using increases the risk of accident.
Some say that sex within marriage has the highest quality there is. It never comes from a person who knows something about sexual life beyond married life. At least not a person who talks about it honestly.
Who is against sex outside of marriage is only because of an education given by religion. The fires of Hell do not let those who believe in it think logically and clearly.
Now, let's go to the benefits of a relationship sex-and-friendship. For beginning, sex tends to be of good quality. Imagine you having sex with a person who have in mind that you have an obligation to have sex with her only. It's what many married people think, that is why exist many marriages with horrible sex once a week or less. In addition, it will be because of the good quality that both will continue the sexual involvement, while many married people invest in the sexual life of unhappy marriages and in the unhappy marriages as a whole just to remain married. In addition, both do not bind to one another, so they can love more one another.
Ah, if there is friendship as feeling, it may be for something of quality that one sees on the other. If it happens sex, the relationship is sex plus friendship. I am not considering those cases, really common, in which the man pretends to be friend to have sex with the woman, because so is sex without friendship.
For many, sex is a thing full of guilt and impurity, only being acceptable little more than daddy-mommy within marriage. From there, the difficulty for some to think of a man and a woman who love each other having sex.
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